1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:04,769
♪ THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD ♪

2
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:07,739
♪ I SHALL NOT WANT ♪

3
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:10,309
♪ HE MAKETH ME ♪

4
00:00:10,311 --> 00:00:13,678
♪ TO LIE DOWN
IN GREEN PASTURES ♪

5
00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:19,018
♪ HE LEADETH ME ♪

6
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:25,090
♪ BESIDE THE STILL WATERS ♪

7
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:33,232
♪ STILL WATERS ♪

8
00:00:34,601 --> 00:00:36,135
Director: OKAY.
HERE WE GO THEN.

9
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:39,671
AND THREE, TWO, ONE.
ACTION.

10
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,706
YEAH, I'M JUST
WATCHING THE RUGBY.

11
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,309
I'M ABSOLUTELY
OBSESSED WITH IT
SINCE THE WORLD CUP.

12
00:00:44,311 --> 00:00:46,578
<i> OH, SPLENDID.</i>
<i> WHAT'S THE SCORE?</i>

13
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,946
I HAVE NO IDEA.

14
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:50,215
Alice: LOOK AT
JOHNNY WILKINSON'S THIGHS.

15
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,251
INSTEAD OF HE'S GOT
LUCKY TESTICLES--

16
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,253
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE FILMING THIS.

17
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,189
TO SAY, "I WISH
I WAS HIS TESTICLES."

18
00:00:57,191 --> 00:00:58,890
IMAGINE NESTLING
ON THOSE THIGHS

19
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,592
EVERY TIME
HE SITS DOWN.

20
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:01,860
OH...

21
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,329
I JUST WISH
I WAS HIS TESTICLES.

22
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:09,968
JOHNNY'S THIGHS
ON WIDESCREEN. YEAH!

23
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:12,337
( laughing )

24
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,406
THERE'S AN AUDIENCE
OUT THERE!

25
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,808
MADAME GERALDINE,
DAWN FRENCH!

26
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:19,811
( cheering, clapping )

27
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:30,055
( Ragtime piano music
playing )

28
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:33,258
♪♪

29
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,462
♪♪

30
00:01:36,464 --> 00:01:39,030
♪♪

31
00:01:39,032 --> 00:01:41,400
NOW THAT SMACK
THAT YOU'LL DO NOW

32
00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:43,268
IS QUITE MAJORLY VICIOUS.

33
00:01:44,871 --> 00:01:46,071
OH...

34
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:48,307
YEAH. YEAH.

35
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:49,674
IT'S WAKE UP SMACKY.

36
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,811
...SOMETHING FROM
<i> SOPRANOS.</i>

37
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:56,014
( ragtime piano music
playing )

38
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:59,218
♪♪

39
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,387
♪♪

40
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:05,023
♪♪

41
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:08,160
I REMEMBER GETTIN' UP
ON DAVID'S FACE
THE FIRST TIME HE SAW ME.

42
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:09,894
I KNOW.

43
00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:12,531
WELL, NO, IT WASN'T
QUITE LIKE THAT.

44
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,266
NO, IT WAS MORE

45
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,300
SORT OF...

46
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,668
NO, IT WASN'T LIKE--

47
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,938
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
IT DOESN'T MATTER, ALICE.

48
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,973
OH, GOD, I'VE
CRICKED MY NECK.

49
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,575
HAVE YOU?
OW!

50
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,944
DO YOU WANT ME
TO HELP YOU?

51
00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,979
YOU WANT ME
TO HELP YOU?
YES!

52
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,681
THEN DON'T RUN AWAY THEN.

53
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,982
SORRY!

54
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,951
I REALLY HAVE
BROKE MY NECK.

55
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:36,288
JUST THERE.
REALLY HARD.
HARDER.

56
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,323
Man: COMEDY IS
A VERY DANGEROUS BUSINESS.

57
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,526
♪♪

58
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:44,729
♪♪

59
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:46,831
♪♪

60
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:48,900
♪♪

61
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,902
♪♪

62
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,071
♪♪

63
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:56,542
♪♪

64
00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:59,678
OH! CUT IT OUT,
WILL YA, GIRL?

65
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,380
GEEZ, YOU'RE MAKING
ME MEAN...

66
00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:04,616
LISTEN, YOU BIG GOLIATH.
LOOK AT THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD.

67
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:06,885
WHAT'S HAPPENED THERE.
I CAN SEE YOU'VE BEEN SLEEPIN'.

68
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,821
♪♪

69
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,623
♪♪

70
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,025
♪♪

71
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:16,695
♪♪

72
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:20,232
♪♪

73
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,466
ANY OTHER BUSINESS?

74
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:24,303
OH, YES, YES.
IT'S ABOUT FRANK.

75
00:03:24,305 --> 00:03:25,970
YES, YES,
LIKE THAT?

76
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:26,971
NO, NO!

77
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:29,140
YOU SHOCKED ME!
NO, NO.

78
00:03:29,142 --> 00:03:31,376
♪♪

79
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,412
♪♪

80
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:35,414
♪♪

81
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,616
♪♪

82
00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:39,585
♪♪

83
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,687
♪♪

84
00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:45,824
♪♪

85
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:46,958
( chatter )

86
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,361
( incoherent chatter )

87
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,895
THAT'S SUCH
A STRANGE THING--

88
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,698
Director:
DON'T SAY IT THEN.

89
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,666
MERRY CHRISTMAS.
JUST SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS.

90
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,668
YEAH. I'D LIKE THAT.

91
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:58,203
SHALL WE GO IN?

92
00:03:58,205 --> 00:04:01,206
WE'RE JUST WAITING
FOR ALICE TO BRING
THE CHILDREN DOWN.

93
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:02,774
THEY WANTED TO SAY
CONGRATULATIONS,

94
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:05,810
BUT THEY'RE VERY LITTLE,
SO CONGRATULATIONS
IS HARD TO PRONOUNCE.

95
00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:07,713
SO THEY'RE GOING TO SAY
"NICE ONE."

96
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,914
HELLO, RAGGY
AND MARC.

97
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:13,452
HELLO, LEGOLAS,
GANDALF AND 50-CENT.

98
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:14,720
( chuckling )

99
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,856
HELLO--YOU WANT ME
TO SAY "50-CENT"?

100
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,891
DO YOU THINK PEOPLE
WILL GET THAT?

101
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:23,061
HELLO, 50-CENT.

102
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,896
AND HELLO, LITTLE NADIA,
BIG BROTHER...

103
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:26,865
OH...

104
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,867
WHEN YOU CAME
INTO THE ROOM YESTERDAY,

105
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,502
WHERE DID YOU
PUT YOUR CHILDREN?

106
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,271
WHERE DID ALICE
PUT HER CHILDREN?

107
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:35,907
I SHOVED THEM IN THE CUPBOARD
AND WENT, "STAY THERE!"

108
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,277
Alice: WHAT DO YOU SAY
TO THE VICAR, CHILDREN?

109
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,479
All: WE LOVE OUR GAY VICAR.

110
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,847
NO, NO, NO.
THAT WAS THE OLD ONE.

111
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:43,848
THE NEW ONE.

112
00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:46,217
All: NICE ONE, AUNTY VICAR.

113
00:04:46,219 --> 00:04:49,354
IN A WAY, I THINK
IT SHOULD BE,
"NICE ONE, VICAR,"

114
00:04:49,356 --> 00:04:51,122
RATHER THAN
"NICE ONE, AUNTY VICAR."

115
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,123
DON'T YOU?
YEAH.

116
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,426
NICE ONE, VICAR.

117
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,461
I TOLD YOU
WE'VE CUT IT.

118
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,397
( laughing )

119
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,832
French: THAT SHOULD BE
THE LITTLEST ONE, REALLY.

120
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:04,269
...AGAIN, LOVE,
'CAUSE WE'VE GOT TWO.

121
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:09,140
HELLO, NICHOLAS,
HELLO, PATRICK.

122
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,376
HAPPY CHRISTMAS,
CHILDREN.

123
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,445
( choir sings )

124
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:16,147
♪♪

125
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:19,618
♪♪

126
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:22,954
♪♪

127
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:26,891
♪♪

128
00:05:26,893 --> 00:05:30,796
♪♪

129
00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:33,832
AND I THINK WHEN YOU SAID IT,
BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT.

130
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,635
I THINK YOU SHOULD
STILL BE IN THAT MODE
A LITTLE BIT

131
00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:38,370
AND MAKE A LITTLE NOISE.

132
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,104
( no audio )

133
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:42,507
( laughing )

134
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,742
THAT'S NICE.

135
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:45,977
IT'S SUCH A BOY THING
TO DO THAT.

136
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:48,012
BE AS SWEET AS POSSIBLE.
SHE MAY BE WATCHING.

137
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,815
EVEN IF YOU'RE THE QUEEN,
YOU'RE DELIGHTED

138
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,616
WHEN PEOPLE WANT
TO SLEEP WITH YOU.

139
00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:54,252
SHE MIGHT THROW UP
HER BRUSSELS SPROUTS.

140
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,087
THE QUEEN'S WATCHING
"THE VICAR'S GIBLEY."

141
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,990
AND SHE CHOKED...

142
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,025
( all laughing )

143
00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:02,961
WRITTEN BY RICHARD CURTIS.

144
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:07,766
REFERRED TO HER
AS "MINGTASTIC."

145
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,167
"MINGNIFICENT."

146
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,870
Man:<i> WE ARE NOT AMUSED.</i>

147
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,706
OKAY.

148
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,743
THESE DAYS ARE MAD
BECAUSE YOU SPEND THE WHOLE DAY

149
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:23,382
FROM 9:00 IN THE MORNING TILL
6:00 DOING CAMERA REHEARSAL.

150
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,250
AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY
SHATTERED BY THE END.

151
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:28,253
AND THEN YOU'VE GOT
TO GO ZOOM YOUR ADRENALINE UP

152
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:31,890
FROM THERE TO THERE...
AND DO A SHOW.

153
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:44,636
I SAY THIS WITH
EVERY SOMETHING
OR OTHER...

154
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,638
( laughing )

155
00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:50,876
WHAT?

156
00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:53,044
( laughing )

157
00:06:58,151 --> 00:06:59,150
( giving
instructions )

158
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,552
OKAY, OKAY.

159
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:02,687
OKAY. PICK UP.
WE'RE STILL RUNNING.

160
00:07:02,689 --> 00:07:05,924
( choir singing )

161
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,928
♪♪

162
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:13,432
♪♪

163
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:20,204
♪♪

164
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,973
♪♪

165
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:24,008
IT'S QUITE
A CONTROVERSIAL THESIS,

166
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:27,813
AND IT TOOK A LITTLE BIT OF TIME
FOR ME TO...

167
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,548
TO...

168
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,015
TO...

169
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:34,085
♪ TWO TO TANGO
TWO TO TANGO...♪

170
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:38,890
( laughing, clapping )

171
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,692
NOT TONIGHT, DARLING.

172
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:43,929
( laughing )

173
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:45,430
PRAISE THE LORD.

174
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:47,833
HE'S COMING DOWN
THE BIRTH CANAL.

175
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,835
HERE HE COMES NOW

176
00:07:49,837 --> 00:07:53,505
WHEE WHEE WHEE WHEE WHEE.

177
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:56,775
LOOK, THE MADONNA'S
FULLY DELIGHTED.

178
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:57,843
DELIGHTED.

179
00:07:57,845 --> 00:08:00,178
SEA SHELL...

180
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,747
SHE SHALL NOT NEED

181
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:04,716
♪ AN EPISIOTOMY ♪

182
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:07,218
( laughing )

183
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,425
I THOUGHT...
I THOUGHT...

184
00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:15,861
RICH TEA...

185
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:18,096
NOT TO BE USED TO...

186
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,534
I'M NOT SURE.

187
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:24,536
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN
A BIT TWISTED ABOUT THIS.

188
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:25,737
I THINK, ACTUALLY,

189
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,974
...REPRESENTS MIGHT BE BETTER
WITHOUT THE REPEAT.

190
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:29,975
REALLY?

191
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,543
MY GOOD FRIENDS,
ACTUALLY.

192
00:08:31,545 --> 00:08:34,445
ME AND GOD'S ULTIMATE
SOMETHING OR OTHER...

193
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:37,448
( laughing )

194
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:45,657
OH, WHAT EXCITEMENT.

195
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,327
SPEECH, SPEECH.

196
00:08:49,329 --> 00:08:50,729
I'M GOING TO
KILL MYSELF.

197
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,196
( laughing )

198
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,101
HE HASN'T REMEMBERED
THAT LINE FOR THE WHOLE WEEK.

199
00:08:57,103 --> 00:08:58,169
( laughing )

200
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,405
IT'S ONLY TWO WORDS...

201
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:03,341
IT'S ABOUT TWO WORDS:
SPEECH, SPEECH.

202
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,514
YEAH, MAN!

203
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,483
BOOM-CH!

204
00:09:12,485 --> 00:09:14,953
I'M NOT GOOD YET.

205
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:17,055
OH! CHCK! AH!

206
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,292
♪ IT'S GONNA COME TO PASS
YO HERE ♪

207
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:23,361
( imitating boom box )

208
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:26,431
WHERE'S THAT GOING?
I'M TRYING.

209
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:31,636
♪ HIS NAME IS JEEZ-ASS! ♪

210
00:09:31,638 --> 00:09:33,204
♪ HALLELUJAH! ♪

211
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:35,674
♪ IF YOU'RE BAD
HE'S GONNA SCREW YA ♪

212
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,408
♪ YEAH! ♪

213
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,044
WHAT D'YOU THINK?

214
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,079
...RAP STAR, JAMES FLEET,
DON'T YOU THINK?

215
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,848
( cheering, clapping )

216
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:46,317
I FELT THOSE.
I WANTED YOU TO GO RIGHT.

217
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,152
DO THAT AND THEN JUST SCREAM.

218
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:52,123
YOU MUST UNDERSTAND
HOW COMEDY WORKS.

219
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,992
RIGHT. I'LL DO THAT.

220
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:55,994
AAAAH!

221
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,796
AAAAH!

222
00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:03,902
IT'S ONLY 'CAUSE IT'S
THE END OF A LONG EPISODE.

223
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,571
AND ALSO...
AND ALSO WAKE UP

224
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:09,641
OR WE'RE GOING TO...
FOR A HALF HOUR.
YES.

225
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:13,211
OUR COMEDY SHOW
AND FIND THEMSELVES
70 MINUTES LATER

226
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,546
STILL WATCHING
THE TELEVISION.

227
00:10:15,548 --> 00:10:16,781
THE HORROR THAT IS,

228
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:19,250
THE CHRISTMAS
VICAR OF DIBLEY.

229
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,552
Vicar: I DON'T KNOW
HOW I COULD EVER

230
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:22,854
HAVE THOUGHT OF LEAVING.

231
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:27,425
THIS IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE
THE PLACE FOR ME.

232
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,994
GOD BLESS YOU.

233
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:32,330
HAVE LOADS MORE
CHRISTMAS SPECIALS.

234
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,599
SEE YOU NEXT CHRISTMAS.

235
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:37,869
SEE YOU SAME SLOT
NEXT CHRISTMAS DAY.

236
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:46,511
♪ FOREVER ♪

237
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:49,047
THAT'S NOT BAD,
THAT'S NOT BAD.

238
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:52,350
I THINK SHE DID IT
VERY WELL THAT TIME.